does coffeemate scare anyone else?

Junior year I was introduced to Coffeemate creamer by CBF's family. I went home with him for Thanksgiving, and for the first time to his house. [And on a side note, this past weekend it felt like we were dating the most since we made out.] Digression. Anyway, in the morning there was the good coffee and then there was this liquid hazelnut creamer. I clearly had seen that nasty powdered shit that doesn't have any flavouring previously. I had never seen coffeemate creamer in a carton that looked like milk was supposed to come out of it. I added some to my coffee and a relationship was born.

It was fucking amazing. Granted I had been drinking dining hall coffee and on the rare occassion the goodness that IS Dunkin' Donuts. But this was still the time where most friends, okay, CBF who I essentially lived with Junior year, didn't have his car and so getting off campus was difficult. I was absolutely delighted that this creamer made my coffee taste like it had actually come from DD's.

Okay. So I was a little stupid because at first I thought it was his mother's mad coffee making skills. He pointed out it was the creamer. I was enamored. I was convinced this would make all my coffee in college that much better when I was up late at night and couldn't get off campus. Clearly, I had to get to the grocery store to get it, and well, I never did.

I even introduced my mother to the creamer that spring break when I was visiting. She still damns me for introducing it to her. Previously she was just adding milk. We were talking on the phone at some point recently and she was annoyed because she was all, I can't believe they didn't have the mocha flavoured creamer! They had run out! What was she going to put into her coffee!?!?! I pointed out that it was because it was Stater Bros., which is the sub-par supermarket. And that, you know, she could add milk. There was this HUGE fight between Albertson's which is the far superior supermarket and it's workers because they wanted health insurance or something. It turned into about a year-long debacle before it was resolved. My mom wanted to support them, and so was going to Stater's which it's worker lovingly refer to as Slaver Bros.

I'm not a morning person whatsoever, and so I don't have time to make coffee in the morning. My coffee maker that CBF got me doesn't have fancy adjustments to make coffee so it's ready for you in the morning and so I usually vie for the nasty free coffee at work. This past year with work and grad school I've started making coffee at night to keep me awake for all the work I have to do. Last semster was especially ugly. The coffee even was really ugly. I mean I was making fucking sludge.

There were grinds in the coffee.

The coffee was so bitter it would hurt my mouth and stomach.

The only thing that slightly helped was my lovely Coffeemate, and even then I still had to guzzle it in order to consume it.

The scary part? Sometimes I still fell asleep.

It's gotten to that point in the semester where I'm making coffee at night again. Stronger each day in fact. It's also time to whip out the CM again, because I want it to be able to go down somewhat enjoyably. The problem is that I bought creamer ages ago. From Giant no less.

The Giant where you can buy overdue food. The Giant where the lights outside don't really light up. It's abso-fucking-lutely ghetto but it seems closer than Safeway, and less of a hassle than going to the Social Safeway. If I had to gander when I bought the creamer, I would say earliest, February. Beginning of.

The creamer? It's still good. All three of them. One I know I must have bought in January. One is even good until June 1st. The others are good until mid-may. So hey. If the bottle stamp says it, it must be true. I'm adding that shit to my coffee.

The question? What the fuck is in the creamer that it can be 'good' for months? It's like the fucking twinkie of the liquid world, and that really scares me.