i like your wig.

What???

I'm going slightly deaf. Or am totally on my joyous way to having a little device put in my ear to aid in my hearing.

Perhaps it's my impending birthday making me feel old.

At least I feel less like a mid, or shall I say a quarter century crisis.

I digress.

Deaf? Check!

In a meeting today about fiscal responsibility. Fucking. Boring. And a waste of my time because I'm never going to be in a position at my job where the information will matter.

Whatever.

Anyway, I was sitting next to my co-worker and he said something quietly that I couldn't here, so I made the universally recognized grunt noise of, "huh?" You know, something akin to Tim Allen, but eons less annoying and is roughly translated the same in every fucking language?

Yup, that's the one.

Anyway, he said it again, and I'm usually too embarassed at this point to ask people to say it again, so I again do that universal gesture thing, and do a weird chuckle, and a low slash mumbled, 'oh. yeah.'

This will sometime work, though sometimes it doesn't and people keep on looking at me.

Waiting for a response.

Because they've actually asked me a question, and so clearly are waiting for an answer.

Sometimes? That awkward pause will continue forever, and I'll have to go through the whole long deaf story and ask them to say it again.

Today in the meeting I think my co-worker was expecting a response, but it was a meeting...and I couldn't ask him to speak loud enough for me to hear because of the, you know, meeting level of speaking.

Isn't half faking a conversation something people do when they're 60 and like pretending they're not losing their hearing???

I digress.

I was at the store again trying to exchange this shampoo I bought because I actually thought it was the conditioner and it was taking like 40 hours for the girl to figure it out.

It's an exchange. Oh the fuck well. Anyway, so this other chick comes along and says something and all I can make out a bit is the word 'curls.'

Maybe.

So of course, I'm all, 'what?'

And I swear I thought I heard her say, "I like your wig."

So normally at this point I would let it go and be all, 'uh, yeah, thanks' because I don't want to sound like a jackass, and that I think it's you're fault that I can't understand you. When? I'm the deaf one.

But a fucking wig??? Are you fucking kidding me?

So more clearly,and with emphasis this time: "What?"

And the chick who's helping me is all, "She likes your curls."

And I'm somewhat chagrined and, if this is possible, still skeptical. And mumble a "thanks." A bit drawn out though, because I still think that she thinks that I have a fucking wig on. Or you know curled extensions, which? No fucking way.

I've got to get that hearing checked at some point.

it's snowing bitches!

Woot!!!!

The first snow of the year, and I'm so excited because I'm at my sister's sitting in her warm bed 'studying.'

Or you know, doing my damndest to do that in a good way.

I love me some snow and am excited about the flurries outside my window.

Sweet!

Happy Thanksgiving!

like four square miles, right?

DC is a small fucking city. Granted, it's not four square miles, but it's pretty itty bitty teeny tiny. Especially if you consider how small it is to most major metropolitan cities. Plus? The area that most people usually traverse is usually more condensed. Like, yes, I already know Killer, you travel all around the district, but this is a rare fact.

This makes the not running into people thing a major surprise. Granted, most people do say how they are always running into someone they kind of know, or don't really want to see, or you know something along those awkward kind of run-ins. For the most part, this isn't true for me.

I'm usually the one all, 'yeah, that'd be cool to run into so and so...' Doesn't happen.

I believe what makes me more upset though, is when I know that a celebrity has been in town or is in town. Someone I wouldn't mind seeing, but obviously don't really give a damn enough about stalking. Or, sometimes I'm just that inefficient.

Most painful? George Clooney.

Who I guess was here rather often when filming "K Street," yes...the blink and you'll miss it series on HBO. Pretty tough to be cancelled that quickly, eh Georgie?

And I guess randomly here also. Doin who knows what, and who really cares. I think he'd be the only one I'd be interested in stalking. I mean we're not New York, we're not LA. Our celebrities are politicians, so when the 'real' celebrities are here and I miss them, I kind of am all, 'aw, that's too bad.'

So it seems that Angelina was in town again - which? With her UN stuff not that rare, but rare enough. But it's usually a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of visit without being in DC.

It seems she took her son to one of the Smithsonians this weekend.

And? Was seen house hunting with Brad Pitt.

Not only that, the photo snapped? Totally on one my bus routes.

It's the so close I could probably smell your after-shave if I wasn't at home trying to either do my homework or shake-off the alcohol and much stronger than needed cigarette the night before.

Hey, maybe if they move here I'll finally see her.

Because Angelina Jolie? Hot.

hanes: the new ground for washed up celebrities

How little money does Hanes have? Or I guess it would make more sense to say 'not have.'

I'm doing some serious unprecedented amounts of procrastinating right now. I'm this is pretty impressive - even for me.

So I'm watching live TV - Live! With commercials! That you can't fast-forward! The novelty!

So I'm watching Chicago on Bravo - which? Awful editing in commercials, like the just fucking cut it off in the middle of Queen Latifah's awesome 'Mama' number. If Bravo isn't careful, Queen's girlfriend is going to knock someone out! There's no disrespecting Queen! I actually have no bounds for my love for Queen. Like, I totally believe that she's probably really cool in real life. Which? The likelihood of a celebrity being cool and not a spoiled jackass is pretty minimal.

I digress.

So, whilst watching I noticed a new Hanes ad. I was all, that's not Michael Jordan! Dude, Damon Wayans how did you get here from "In Living Color?" I realize your show was cancelled from ABC - but I mean really, what did you expect? Not so good. I was already asking that sell-out question then. But a Hanes ad? Hanes?

Then in the next commercial break there's another ad.

This time? Marisa Tomei. Marisa Tomei?

There are rumours that she won the Oscar because Mr. McOldy misread the prompter - but let's not dwell on that. Though it would make her win make more sense. But Oscar might the only thing she has to hold on to now. I mean that would make her schilling for the ads make more sense. Plus? Does anyone under the age of 20 even know who she is?

Hanes asks, "Look who we've got our Hanes on now?"

Or I do that reading from the statement, because who?

the l word. again.

I think I've clearly established in the past that I'm a tidge obsessed with the L word. I say a tidge. And I think that may also be the wrong tense because I think I might actually not be obsessed with the L word anymore.

Thanks Ilene Chaiken! With work and school, and school and work I could actually really do with those extra hours in the day.

First season? Brilliant - I mean really? Why else would I be obsessed. Also how else I was I able to get everyone else obsessed with the show as well? I mean after PMF was here for the weekend visiting, and we ended up watching until 5 in the morning, she both wanted to do Shane and be Shane. Or. You know. A lesbian in L.A.

Second season? Meh. I've ranted enough about how it went down the crapper. And how Betty essentially single-handedly ruined it as well. I mean I was hoping to start a petition for them to get the fuck rid of her.

Signs for Season 3? New theme song. Still Betty. Not only is she more involved in the music this season. For some reason, and it can't be experience, she was allowed to write episode 8 of season 3. Fuck. You. Ilene. Chaiken.

And? Fuck. You. Elizabeth. Ziff.

I understand you, yes you Ilene, like to be edgy and don't want to be seen as a lesbian series, nor as representing lesbians. Fine. I. Get. IT. That's no reason to kill the show. Oh? And Dana.

Whilst waiting for my discussion section to be begin I noticed the three girls to my left were talking about the L word and how cool it was. They were obviously talking about the first season, and this one chick was like, ooh, they're all really glamourous (yes) and I guess that's what it's like in L.A.

I tried, but couldn't resist, so kind of busted into the conversation. Briefly.

But then they were all, what Tina do again before she quit her job?, and of course I again had to bust in and say the answer.

Sad. Sad. Sad.

Fuck you Ilene for now making me look semi-pathetic.

mother. fucker.

The title of my post was actually going to be "Come back Sam Beam" who, for those uninformed, is Iron & Wine.

I've been checking semi-regularly on his webpage about tour dates. Granted it's been a few weeks, but I've been busy with life.

I just checked and he's back at the 9:30 club on the 30th of this month. Touring with Calexico, who I recently discovered and bought music from. Seemingly a perfect concert. Though I did enjoy seeing him at Iota Cafe.

When I saw it was so close and he was now 'big' enough to be playing at the 9:30 club. Seems I had reason to worry.

Tickets are sold out!

Mother. Fucker!

it must be pretty bad...

When I my browser didn't even remember my address when I was typing it in.

I guess I really do post that sporadically. Things have been both busy and rough - but you can't keep a good bitch down. Or? Twat.

Twat is my new favourite word. I shout it out like I have Tourette's Syndrome - which? I think that would potentially be an awesome disease to have because it would totally explain my foul mouth.

It's a fact, I seriously enjoy swearing. I believe that I've even posted about that in the fact, and despite the fact that fuck will always be the go-to swear word. I mean really it can totally convey so much emotion.

In the same way that that awful movie with the boys from South Park, "Baseketball" had them saying "Dude" to each other with massive different intonations. I only know this becuase it's the beginning ad on one of my favourite tapes - I believe it must be "Out of Sight." Probably one of the last movies where I respected Jennifer Lopez as an actor, and the chemistry between her and George Clooney is off the charts. Though? I think George Clooney and a wall could have chemistry. It's illegal for someone to be that handsome.

Back to the twat though. I love the word. I have no idea why. So I'm currently shouting it out at all times, and in fact the other day when I was going from my shared office to Curly's office, I was all, "Whattup TWAT!" and Curly was like, um, you being talked to if you say the word twat any louder? Well, at least something similar to that.

I was in NY a couple of weeks ago. Okay, quite some time now, which? Makes me sad. I'm planning a December trip for my birthday though, so it's all good, but my mom, as per usual called. She of course was asking about my sister, and of course telling a story about how she didn't pick up the phone or wasn't returning her phone call, or something along the lines of what happens when my mother tries to contact her. In both of their defenses' my sister should be better about calling back later, and my mother should be better about not being a stalker in her calling habits. Anyway, to empathize with my mother and diffuse the situations somewhat, as I have to do all the time, I said my sister was just being her normal twat self. This was all fine and good, and ultimately by the end of the conversation my mother was more calm.

What surprised me though was that as my mother was saying goodbye to me, she was all, "Bye, you twat you!" with genuine affection in her voice.

I think my mother clearly does not understand the meaning of the word twat.