nph, your pants are so shiny!

Seriously, NPH (Neil Patrick Harris for those not in the know, or Barney on HIMYM, or for the even less knowledgeable, Dr. Doogie Howser himself) - your pants/suit is so bloody shiny, and might be the gayest thing about you.

I love NPH, and have loved you for years, but what the fuck were you thinking hosting the Tony (or is it TONY?) awards in a suit that could serve as a mirror to everyone you talk to for the rest of the night? Or perhaps you wanted to be the shiniest object in the room, and the Tonys are probably the gliziest awards show?

I gave you the benefit of doubt. I actually though that the pants were going to be ripped off and you were going to join one of the performances. But alas. I've been watching for two and a half hours (shockingly. I'm always surprised how if I turn on the show from the start that I can't stop watching it. It's weird. I can't quite explain it, especially considering I've not seen any of the shows that are nominated this year.) and..you're still in the suit.

Why NPH? Whhyy? I love you to death, you seem like the most charming person in the world and like you'd be awesome to go out and get a drink with (it seems that you wouldn't drink beer), and you'd sing and tell stories and do magic tricks and generally charm the pants off of me. I'd only hope that maybe I could be one of your fag hag girls. Yet...your boyfriend, your friends, and I'm assuming the producers etc. actually let you out on stage in that suit. Yet. You're so cute that I laughed at all of your jokes tonight. Even the ones that fell flat. Sigh. I have such a huge girl crush on you. I still remember having an even bigger actual crush on you after reading the article in People sophmore year in college where you had that show with the guy from Monk. And I thought you were so hot and had totally grown-up since Doogie Howser that I watched that show. A) I should have known right then. And B) Clearly this is a trend I have continued since I started watching the show this evening because you were hosting.

Granted the start power of the evening didn't hurt (Hello Rizzo! You're my favourite C.J. Craigg! [Seriously. I'm in love with Allison Janney. For "Drop Dead Gorgeous" alone, and then of course, the "West Wing."], Kristin Chenowith charmed the pants off me in "Pushing Daisies" so she can do no wrong...and pretty much everyone.)

Staying on the channel is pretty impressive considering the really good NBA Finals game going on as well. I think it has to do with my obsession with the music. And I'm always charmed to see people win and get overwhelmed by the honor. The girl Karen Orveida (sp?) who won best supporting actress essentially for her role in "West Side Story" was so shocked that she was crying the whole time and had to be led off stage because she couldn't speak anymore. Which is so funny and touching because you could tell when she gave the "wassup" kind of reaction to the camera was on her that you could tel she was sure there was no way in hell that she was winning. I totally love that completely flabbergasted, speechless reaction.

Sigh. Why don't I see more Broadway shows? I fucking love musicals and plays. Oh. That's right. $$$.

Though after watching the cutest boys ever do "Billy Elliott" - his dancing was fucking out-of-control - I might need to sell a kidney so I can purchase a nose-bleed ticket. It's amazing how talented these boys are (all 3 of them won for best actor). So cute. Just wante to squeeze their cheeks. And their reaction to winning was just adorable.

Plus! Chandra Wilson is going to be in Chicago? Good Lord Sweet Jesus. Maybe, just maybe, this is what God invented credit for.

Why don't they pay for blood anymore? Seriously. No. Seriously.

so i got a number.

Granted, it was a gay boy and his boyfriend. Though, 'boy' is probably the wrong term, but still....

Listen, it's Spring. You know. Just in case you were wondering. So, essentially, what I'm saying, in very short form is, "Mama's horny."

So...I've succumbed to some society pressures that I previously mocked. That might essentially be speed dating for one. And emailing a Republican.

Let me explain. I had no idea he was Republican until I googled him after we met at a party and he was all, "get in touch with me." So I decided to stalk him. And found out that at least he was a fan of McCain. Which? WTF? Seriously. I know you're cute and we connected, and you're from Indiana, but still? So yes. I emailed him.

And went speed dating. Which deserves a post of its' own. But yet. Didn't do fantastically.

My problem is that I did the AIDS Walk today in NY and I got a number. A gay man's number. Because per usual I can pull the gays like no other. It's...embarrassing. I do better than gay men. But..yet...can't score the straight man.

Sigh.

"Mama horny Michael." - Lucille Bluth, Arrested Development. I love you Arrested Development.

Just in case that wasn't clear.

P.S. My legs do fucking hurt after the walk.

how bad is cupid?

So bad that with only about 5 channels to choose from - I'm choosing not to watch it. And let me just say that the competition is not fierce (sorry Tyra, I'm not bogarting your word. I promise) at all.

Let's take a look shall we?

CBS (Or should I say the network for those collecting their SS): "Without a Trace."

NBC: "The Biggest Loser." Which? Okay. If it was a "Death is Not an Option" kind of situation, I would in fact choose "Cupid." Sadly, my mother would not.

FOX: The local Fox News. So you know, it's fair and balanced and classy. Because, yes. They're now talking to people on the street about glad they are that Carrie Prejean (sp?) did not lose her crown. Like, really? This is news. But yes. More interesting that "Cupid."

ION (Yes. It's really a channel. With programming. With actual shows [that have all been canceled by other networks, but still.]):

C-SPAN: Rep. John Boccieri supposedly speaking live. Like, where Ohio boy? Do you think anyone is still paying attention at 10:28 East Coast time?

Telemundo: I can't understand a damn word. But I know it's more interesting.

My9: Evening News. I'm assuming a touch classier than Fox - though they are talking about auctioning off Yankee stadium items. Yankees suck.

NY1: News as usual.

PIX11: News. Probably as classy as Fox. Shockingly, I'm getting to now see about Carrie Prejean again. Awesome. Because I was so enthralled the first time.

PBS1: A documentary about the Bloods and Crips. This is actually really interesting. Who knew this blog post would be helpful.

MNN (Didn't know this was a channel): A woman is seemingly singing in gibberish at a performance playing a cello and from this angle it looks like she's naked. Oh wait. She's not. Weird dress. Awful acoustics. And supposedly this is "Erin and her Cello." O-kay. I still can't tell if she's singing gibberish or in English.

PBS2: I don't know. But it's British programming. (So, by the accents, automatically more interesting.) [Ed note: Flipped back during commerical for "My Boys" and there were two women kissing now. Defintely better by merit now.]

TBS: "My Boys." Automatic win. Even when I first started this blog and it was an "Office" repeat.

When watching something in another language that I have no hope of understanding is more interesting - you have got a problem.

There are just so many tragic things about this.

The first being that "Cupid" version 1.0 was actually kind of awesome. It had Jeremy Piven before he douched out. Though...he's always been close friends with my high-school famous boyfriend (John Cusack) who I tragically found out (and I'm still semi-pretending isn't true) was a complete and utter douchebag. Like, supposedly in "A Thin Line" he shat his pants, stepped out of them and let some poor PA deal with the after effects. Like, really? Ew. So...perhaps they've been friends for so many years because they're both d-bags? Anyway. He was absolutely charming in the role. And it featured Paula Marshall, before she was a show killer, and before she was cast as the stereotypical stroppish female character on a poorly written CBS. Thanks CBS. Paula must hate herself. Any. Way. I liked both of them, and the both had some serious chemistry. Though...I might have been the only person watching the show since it was canceled rather promptly.

The second that I first fell in love with Rob Thomas (the writer/director - not the Matchbox 20 singer) was season 1 of "Veronica Mars." I...there are no words. The show had me at "Hello." It was brilliantly acted, brilliantly written, and the story-arc was insanely good. When I started researching one of my new favourite shows ever, I found out Rob Thomas had created "Cupid," and thought, "Huh. This man makes television I like." Plus, not only is he incredibly talented, from the interviews I've read he also seems like a nice and likeable. Something that you always like to see in people who you respect. Hating this remake sullies my love a little. Granted, you always forgive people for their transgression, I get the feeling that getting the taste of this show out of my mouth (and I've actually tried watching. Quite. A. Few. Times. So it's right up in there.) is going to take quite some time. Thanks. Rob. Thanks...

Another, is that I really like the stars of the new "Cupid." Bobby Canavale and Sarah Paulson are very likeable people. Sarah Paulson is usually one of the best things about everything that she is in, such as "Down with Love," (funny side story: she played the love interest of David Hyde Pierce in that movie [which came out in when? Like 1995?] - when both of them were still in the closet. Which? Kind of funny. Right?] and "Studio 60." Bobby is hot. And I've heard that he can some some range. But unfortunately there is no chemistry whatsoever between the two. Which is sad, because sometimes awesome chemistry can leap past bad writing, bad plotting, and bad story-telling. Essentially everything that is wrong with "Cupid." I'm actually a touch flummoxed as to how it is possible for "Cupid" to suck as much as it does. Because, seriously? It seemed as if everything Rob touched turned to gold. Clearly, this is not the case.

And I guess lastly (because I love Rob, and it hurts me to hate on Rob a little), it limits my viewing options. I have so few channels (because half those channels don't even count) and there are very few that come in with decent sound quality. And by very few, I mean two. And they're TBS and ABC. The other have that shitty, no cable fuzz sound to them. So you can imagine it can often make watching those channels intensely annoying. Though, I'm an addicted (to TV), desperate bitch, so I still will watch. So to have something be so shitty with good sound quality thereby forcing me to change the channel pisses me off.

Why Rob? Why? And I really do think, "how"? I just...am flummoxed. I like shitty TV. So it's almost as if bad TV doesn't exist for me (except for most of the shows on CBS [except of course HIMYM (a show I've loved since the first episode aired. Secret: I watched from the very first episode because Cobie Smulders was on "the L word" and...I watch anything that anyone who was cute on "the L word" does. I mean I watched "Teachers" or whatever the fuck it was called for Sarah Shahi. Granted, I would go through fire for her, because everything she touches does turn to gold. Case in point: "Life."), "The Big Bang," "The New Adventures of the Old Christine," and I'll always watch "Cold Case" and "Two and Half Men" (a show that can shockingly be pretty funny. Shut it.)] So...it takes a lot for me to stop watching a show halfway through.

So, yeah. It's that bad.

So as to clear any bad taste in my mouth, let's talk about good things. My daily music obsession: the unsigned and awesomely named "Dance Yourself to Death." Immediately going in, you're thinking, "This is going to be a great band." And you won't be wrong.

I have undying love for 80's music. Granted, it dates me, but I will always love 80's music, and not just because it's nostalgic for me. Tell me "Careless Whisper" isn't awesome. Or try telling me that you can't get Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" out of your head with of the "Glee" commercials running non-stop on Fox. Wait. What's that? You don't need to watch commercials? Fuck you. I firmly believe that some of the best, timeless music has come from that era. So any music that will somehow evoke an 80's tone will always draw me in. Which is definitely in part why I love the Babasonicos song, "Microdancing," even though I can't understand a word.

Anyway, DYTD is a Canadian queer-pop-rock (or is that rock-pop) band that has some of the catchiest tunes that I've heard in a really long time - and definitely evokes an 80's feel. Go to their myspace page to check out some of their music from their first album "Ready for Love." They're first 'single' if you will (as much as they can have one considering they have self-released their album. Definitely why I'm not posting any of their songs for free download. They actually need the support), "We Are All Made of Stone," is ridiculously catchy.

I can't endorse them enough.

Download and discover them, so that when they're all over the radio later this year (or next) you can be all, "Ooooh, I've been listening to them forever. Where have you been?" In a perfectly pretenious tone. It'll be fun. I promise.

while i should be unpacking...

Commercials are unfortunately back in my life.

That bliss of fast-forwarding? Fucking gone. I've been unceremoniously spoiled. Well, you know, when it comes to TV watching. I had an awesome flat screen 40 inch TV...I had high-def...I had cable on-demand...I had movies channels. Cue chirping birds, harps and generic grass field filled with daisies and me running slo-mo into the light.

Granted though that all of this came with probably the worst roommate in history.

[HOLY CRAP!!!! Rant interrupted bitches. I just watched the BEST. COMMERCIAL. EVER. Okay. That's a lie. But it was awesome. It was a Heineken commercial featuring Biz Markie's "Just a Friend." A song that will FOREVER be in my nostalgia graces because of college. Sigh. Good time. Good times. Also? Supposedly I love Greg Grunberg for his Prius commercial. What the eff is happening here people? And Beyonce (I refuse to add the fucking indulgent accent, because you know what? You're no where close to being authentically French bitch.) is going for the Poor Man's Fatal Attraction...even though I think that is giving it even too much merit. Because, seriously?]

Also? It's now time for 30 Rock. A show I love with out boundaries. Supposedly. Here's the thing. Tina Fey is awesome. And awesomely funny. But here's also the thing. This past awards season it was like she couldn't stop talking about how awesome, and funny, and hot she is. And...it got a little tiresome. I feel like the reason more people haven't revolted is because she's probably the funniest fucking person in the world right now. Which? She's totally indentured herself to me due to this. But...it's like, "Yes. You're hot Tina. Yes, you're effing funny. Yes YOU JUST BOUGHT A FUCKING MANSION IN NY." Seriously. A mansion. Another step towards not being the bestest person ever. Which I think she thinks she is. I feel awful feeling this. I wish I could be in a coma. Coupled with the fact that her character has been turning more and more into an asshole. Why Tina, why? Though at the same time I feel like I should say, "Fuck it." Because she's hired Jane Krasinski for the show (I have a weird love for her) and there are a few episodes of 30 Rock that are more brilliant that the brilliance of the show, and she might have soothed the irritated nerves of election season with her impersination of "Sarah Palin." Yeah. I put her in quotes. So essentially? Here's the thing. She's the fucking funniest person ever. But I'd rather not have her going on about HOW awesome she is and HOW hot she is. Granted she'll tell me to "suck it." And she might be right...But I can't just love her because she's a woman in a man's unfortunate world of comedy. We're funnier, but often not recognized for it. Still. And I love her. But it can't be the reason why I remain faithful. I guess for me, a little humility goes a fucking long way.

So.

Back to the roomie situation.

I had a fucked up situation. Granted I have no idea when the last I blogged actually was, but I moved in with a douchey McDouche. So let's set the stage. I move in, in May. I moved in on a Saturday. Stayed with Cute Gay Boy for that night, but then moved in. So...a week. That Friday (after move) I hung out and had a few drinks with CGB and went home. And...roomie was wasted and semi-sexually harrasing me. And then he had his fuck buddy come by. So I thought it would be fine. But he then came back to the room and essentiall sexually harrassed me. It was...awkward.

Anyway, whenever he drinks he hits on me. AND essentially everyone I know in NY (I do miss you DC) says I should move. Until I moved. So for a YEAR people said I should move for dodginess.

You see? DVR and CABLE are not worth living by myself.

Granted each night by the time I hit the 4th floor I'm all, "What? This isn't the sixth yet?" but the fact that I'm living in Manhattan [if you're wondering? Just moved to a 6th floor walk-up in an awesome neighbourhood] and I have basic and a cat who semi loves me.

By the way, possibly best quote: "How are you so quiet, when your parades are so loud?"


Fine. Fuck you you rick bitch. But you make me love you. You're fucking hilarious. Unfortunately, more so than me. Hard, because funny is all I have.