i like your wig.

What???

I'm going slightly deaf. Or am totally on my joyous way to having a little device put in my ear to aid in my hearing.

Perhaps it's my impending birthday making me feel old.

At least I feel less like a mid, or shall I say a quarter century crisis.

I digress.

Deaf? Check!

In a meeting today about fiscal responsibility. Fucking. Boring. And a waste of my time because I'm never going to be in a position at my job where the information will matter.

Whatever.

Anyway, I was sitting next to my co-worker and he said something quietly that I couldn't here, so I made the universally recognized grunt noise of, "huh?" You know, something akin to Tim Allen, but eons less annoying and is roughly translated the same in every fucking language?

Yup, that's the one.

Anyway, he said it again, and I'm usually too embarassed at this point to ask people to say it again, so I again do that universal gesture thing, and do a weird chuckle, and a low slash mumbled, 'oh. yeah.'

This will sometime work, though sometimes it doesn't and people keep on looking at me.

Waiting for a response.

Because they've actually asked me a question, and so clearly are waiting for an answer.

Sometimes? That awkward pause will continue forever, and I'll have to go through the whole long deaf story and ask them to say it again.

Today in the meeting I think my co-worker was expecting a response, but it was a meeting...and I couldn't ask him to speak loud enough for me to hear because of the, you know, meeting level of speaking.

Isn't half faking a conversation something people do when they're 60 and like pretending they're not losing their hearing???

I digress.

I was at the store again trying to exchange this shampoo I bought because I actually thought it was the conditioner and it was taking like 40 hours for the girl to figure it out.

It's an exchange. Oh the fuck well. Anyway, so this other chick comes along and says something and all I can make out a bit is the word 'curls.'

Maybe.

So of course, I'm all, 'what?'

And I swear I thought I heard her say, "I like your wig."

So normally at this point I would let it go and be all, 'uh, yeah, thanks' because I don't want to sound like a jackass, and that I think it's you're fault that I can't understand you. When? I'm the deaf one.

But a fucking wig??? Are you fucking kidding me?

So more clearly,and with emphasis this time: "What?"

And the chick who's helping me is all, "She likes your curls."

And I'm somewhat chagrined and, if this is possible, still skeptical. And mumble a "thanks." A bit drawn out though, because I still think that she thinks that I have a fucking wig on. Or you know curled extensions, which? No fucking way.

I've got to get that hearing checked at some point.